


Foggy Morning

by byebyebluejay



Series: Little Moments [2]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Seeking Help, sad but fluffy?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 06:36:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8133913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/byebyebluejay/pseuds/byebyebluejay
Summary: Richard has been reluctant to seek professional help for his depression. He and Severin have a conversation over breakfast.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Hibernia1](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hibernia1/gifts).



“I’m so tired, Severin.” 

They were eating breakfast. Fresh Irish soda farls with butter and raspberry jam. Morning fog blanketed the city, and from the window, the streets were partially hidden in the mist. Severin had been enjoying the view, and Richard had only finished cooking a few minutes ago, so the tone surprised him. Soft and cracking at the edges. He could only guess that Richie didn’t mean ‘tired’ in a way that could be solved with a cup of strong tea or a mid-morning nap. He looked back across the table. Richie had bedhead and fresh, pink cheeks, but his dark eyes were distant. He wouldn’t meet his gaze. 

“What’s the matter, Bunny?” Severin couldn’t help but feel he was walking on unsteady ground. Since he had found out a few months ago that Richard wasn’t nearly as happy as he seemed, he had tried to bring it up a few times—to talk to Richard when he seemed to be in a better mood. Every time, he had been brushed off.

“I just… why do good things keep happening to me? When I don’t deserve them, and aren’t grateful enough to even enjoy them? You care so much about me. You do so many nice things for me. I know you want me to be happy. Why is it that no matter how hard I try, I can’t make myself happy?” An ache rose in Severin’s chest and he opened his mouth to try and come up with a reply that could soothe some of the distress growing in Richard’s face. He closed his mouth, though, as Richard pressed on. His hands were clutched tight around his tea mug, his eyes gazing at some point beyond Severin’s shoulder. 

“I do the things I’m supposed to do. When I can. Where I can. I go on walks with you. I have my dream job. I go out with friends. I take dancing lessons. I indulge myself—get little treats for myself. I read and paint and sketch. And it just feels like—“ Richard’s voice cracked, and Severin moved a hand to grab his own thigh under the table, resisting the urge to pull Richard into a bear hug, “—sorry. I’m sorry. It just feels like the more things I try to do to help myself, the worse I feel when they don’t do anything. I feel like I’m running out of options. Like something’s really, really wrong with me. What if I can’t be fixed, Severin? What if this is just how I’m supposed to be? How long do I have to keep doing all this? It’s so exhausting. Doing things I know I should like and just feeling… Nothing. Not even sad, really, just… Indifferent. I’m so, so tired. I wish all the nice things that happen to me would happen to someone else instead, so at least they could be appreciated.” 

“Richie,” Severin murmured when Richard at last went quiet, his dark eyes turned down towards his tea, “Don’t wish that. Not if you can help it. Everyone deserves compassion. You deserve to have good things happen to you. And you deserve to enjoy them, even if you’re having trouble doing that right now. That doesn’t make you a bad person. I’m sorry things are so difficult for you. I wish they could be simple. I wish you could be happy regularly. But just because things aren’t that way right now, it doesn’t mean they can’t change. And you have options. In fact, you left some pretty major ones untouched. Please, Richie. I don’t want to push you into anything you’re uncomfortable doing, but please, could you maybe give more thought to seeing someone? A doctor? A psychologist? Someone? Because I don’t know how to deal with these things like they would. I just don’t. You could ask Jim to find someone safe for you. Does he know you’re going through this? How bad it is?” Richard shrugged, fingers rubbing at the ceramic of his mug.

“I don’t know. I haven’t told him exactly but he’s Jim. He must know.” 

“Talk to him. Ask him. Please, Richie. I would fight for you myself if I could, but he’ll listen to you more than me. You’re his brother. He loves you. If he knows that you need help, he won’t sit by and let you suffer.” Richard drew in a shaky breath, and on impulse, Severin reached out across the table to take his hand and squeeze. The actor’s hand was soft against his own, warm only because of the contact with the tea mug, chilly beneath. Severin pressed Richard’s hand between his own. “Call him now, why don’t you?” Richard pressed his lips together, but finally reached into his pocket and drew out his mobile. 

It was difficult to gauge Jim’s reaction only from watching Richard, but Severin stayed by him, stroking his hand but not interfering as Richard talked about just how long he had been feeling this way, how many things he’d tried, how awful he felt. Tears grew fat in his eyes and dribbled down his cheeks, and difficult as it was, Severin let them. He didn’t want to interrupt the conversation. Finally, Richard was mumbling a stuttery thanks into the receiver. Then he hung up.

“What did he say?” Severin asked, unable to contain himself any longer. 

“He asked why I didn’t tell him sooner. He said he’s finding someone for me to visit next Friday. Friday! That seems way too soon, Rin…” Severin relinquished Richard’s hand and stood up, moving behind his chair to bend down and wrap an arm around his chest, nose and mouth resting in Richard’s soft hair. 

“That’s fantastic. That was really brave of you. Try not to worry too much about the appointment. If it’s someone Jim picks for you, I’m sure they’ll be nice and very safe, yeah?” Richard managed a giggle. 

“Incredibly safe.”

“You can just go and talk. Tell them that you have trouble opening up…They can’t force you to be vulnerable. That’s a choice you can make if you feel safe. And I can wait outside, if you want.” Richard turned in his arms, and Severin moved back a fraction to give him space.

“Would you? Do that for me?” 

“Of course, bunny,” Severin said, flashing Richie a broad smile, “I’d be happy to. And we could maybe go get a box of fancy chocolates and watch a movie after to celebrate, if you wanted.” Richard returned the smile, albeit fainter, and pulled Severin down to him for a soft, chaste kiss.

“Thank you, Sevvy. I love you.” 

“I love you too, Richie.”


End file.
